Not Writers Block

I was going to post about rituals, and I was going to post about the equinox in the southern hemisphere, which is always chaotic, and also the Autumnal equinox, cause I do like to remind those in the northern hemisphere that it’s not spring time in the world but AUTUMN down here in New Zealand. *coughs* but instead I am going to post about my day.  

Today was a most excellent day, I had cups of tea with a fellow Witch, and we had one of those awesome rambly conversations that covered a myriad of topics, lasted several hours and left me feeling very full. One of the topics that we discussed was in essences, the amount of interesting somewhat academic knowledge that I have in my head and why I am not writing about it.  It is this part of the conversation that made my ears perk up in that way it does when you know that you should be listen to this. When you just know that it is something important here.  

Actually that very topic was a part of todays’ rambly conversation, that picking up on what was said and topics that were covered because they have hidden meaning.  Perhaps it is why I have picked up on not just the writing aspect but also several other topics, which need further contemplation.    

Often when you get the chance to spend time with fellow Witches and take part in a rambly conversation over several hours, there is something or several something’s, in that conversation that needs to be  paid attention to and sometimes it can take several days or weeks for what it is to come out.  Other times like today it can take the walk home and a conversation with your inner voices to figure it out that there is something more here, and it now needs your attention.  

You see a little while ago I was asked by two wonderful Canadian stoics, if I would write/finish my thesis which is on Modern Pagan Books from 1954 to the present day, and by Pagan I mean mostly Wiccan. A little while ago I was put in touch with a person who is editing a book about Southern hemisphere Paganism and I offered to write a chapter on New Zealand Pagan History. I offered but have not finished said chapter.  I have started writing and have several pages of notes and a whole bunch of research but have not yet finished it.  Today I was asked again why I was not writing about New Zealand Pagan history as it was important information that is currently locked away in my head and really should be shared.   

Well why have I not done this, three times, a charm some would say, and I have been asked three times to write something on topics that I am very familiar with and topics that I have researched into for years.  I ran away from university because I was unable to write, or, believed I was unable to write and therein lies the issue. That topic that has been prompted so strongly during todays rambly conversation with a fellow Witch.    A part of me still believes that I am unable to write, despite, earning a degree, which was mostly writing, and a blog which I am now updating regularly.  As of today I am beginning to understand more about why this is.  Let me explain. 

You see I am dyslexic, and all through primary and secondary school I was told I was lazy and stupid, and often if you are told something enough times it gets in.   What I am now coming to realise is, that sort of long term programming gets in really deep, on a subconscious level, because I can also remember loving to write when I was at started school, not for class but for fun.  At high school when I was about 14 or 15 I wrote, what today would be considered fanfic about Robin Hood from the TV series Robin the Hooded Man.  Me and my best friend used to write and then read each other’s stories.  We wrote with red pens and on the Mighty Jotter Pad, the one with the big pink elephant on the cover.. gosh..

The other reason is to do with how I was brought up, you see I am from a blue collar working class family, and things like writing or sitting down to write where not done.  Ok so it’s not like I was yelled at or anything and it certainly was not a malleolus thing but has I have gotten older and seen how other families work, I have come to the realisation that my family were not accustom to sitting still, and if you were sitting still, be that reading a book, or writing on a jumbo jotter pad in red pen then obviously you had nothing to do thus jobs were found that could be done.  These jobs where more physical in nature.  Crafts were fine, knitting, sewing, crocheting, digging, cooking, household chores and the like and to a degree reading, although that was generally reserved for night/evening time.  But writing, that was for homework, not for hobbies, or for time that could be spent better by doing chores, or so it seemed.  Of course viewing this with adult yes things are viewed clearer now.  It was not that my parent did not want me to do well at school, it was more that doing physical things while at home was more important than sitting down and writing, be those physical things knitting and sewing, digging the garden or doing house hold chores.  

At the time it was just how it was, but also at the time it was a distraction from writing as such.  I know this because I just went down stairs and asked my flatmate if I could help with dinner,  but actually I am writing.  And while she said nar she is fine, it comes back to that if you are sitting down writing as I am doing then obviously I have nothing to do thus should find something physical do to, like sewing or cooking, or digging the garden or helping my flatmate cook… Very curious or should that be obvious?  

Obviously there is a block, obviously there is reprogramming that is needed, obviously, very obviously, consciously even, but it has not been until today that I have made that connection, that connection between believing that I am unable to write, the programming that got in, and the excuses that I have been making to myself as to why I can’t write and how that all fits together.    Most often I tell people that I speak not write but actually I can write, and oddly or not so oddly I write like I speak, which isn’t a bad thing, it’s a style thing.  And I have found that if I go read aloud what I have written then I can do a pretty ok job about editing it, and today I am starting to realise this.  Realise that yes I can write and that yes I have something important to say with my writing, it is a part of why I have started this blog and am making an effort to update it weekly, so that I write something every week so that I can fall into a rhythm of writing in a regular way, so that I can realise that I can actually write and that my writing is worthwhile.  

This will be my work for the week, actually probably for the next few months to continue to realise that yes I can actually write, that I write like I speak and that’s ok, good even, makes it easier to read a friend has told me, and that despite whether or not I get this chapter finished on New Zealand Pagan history in time to email to the editor, doesn’t actually mean that I should not write it.  Because actually I can write, and actually I do write and it is not idle time it is writing time.  

 PS: if you would like to suggest edits, or point out where the spelling of any of my posts is squiff then please do so, you can leave a comment or contact me on my email urbanwitchery@gmail.com  i am always happy for help in that aspect. !!

The Druid Priestess Robe and Tabard

Today i received in my email box pictures of the robe and tabard that i have been making over the last few weeks, which you can see a post about the beginnings of in Robes not Sacks. I have decided to call it the Druid Priestess Robe and Tabard given how wonderful Joanne who is a Druid Priestess, looks in it.  Joanne also became a Grandmother this March Full Moon. 

 

I am always impressed when I sew a shiny type fabric as an accent to a non-shiny cotton fabric.  It lends a richness to the entire outfit and gives it some sort of edge.. or something.. I noticed this years ago when I was making fabric bunnies with frilly dresses, from cream calico, which is a pretty plane fabric, but if i sewed cream satin ribbon on it, it always looked much fancier.  This time I have used a shot sort of silk, that is the turquoise blue of the dress and the royal blue of the tabard, neat ey? Especially as it was stuff I had laying around in my fabric box.. most excellent!!  *beams*

I was also totally stoked at how this Druid Priestess Robe and Tabard came out.  Both fit well and are not sack like in the least, which to my mind, is as it should be for ritual wear, especially if you are playing with others.  OK so it doesn't really matter if you are playing with others but, I am a little over ritual robes being little more than sacks with arms or some weird sort of medieval fantasy frock, not that I have anything against medieval clothing but there is a time and place. I am more drawn to modern style robes, with influences from fantasy and medieval sure, but also something that could be warn every day, something that is comfortable to wear, something that you can wear down the street without people starring as often happens when wearing medieval garb. Something that would almost blend in.  I have been thinking about for quite some time.  Anyway back to the Priestess Druid Robe and Tabard *points below*

 The Back of the Tabard with the Goddess and Moon,the way the moon is here in NZ would be a New Moon.  This moon thing is something I was in Canada last year, the moon there was upside down!  It was quite weird but it does mean that the traditional triple moon/goddess symbol --> )o(  for the southern hemisphere  would look like --> (o)  just as a side note.  

 Also the fabric I used for the Goddess and this bag is a New Zealand craft print and shows various types of traditional weaving, which is often used in making Kete a traditional woven bag, so it is appropriate that I used it to make a bag yes? 

For the Awen symbol that I sewed onto the tabard,  is appliquéd using a gold print craft fabric that I have used on three other tabards, see pictures below they are the green ones.  the three awens are made from NZ craft print and is a print of the ocean, which suited our Druid Priestess well as she loves blue and I believe the ocean.  The three dots, drops of inspiration are paua shell buttons, a nice touch I believe.  The trick to good appliqué is iron on stiffener, and not the expensive stuff but the cheap stiffer stuff, as it holds the fabric nicely, especially when sewing it on with an ordinary sewing machine 

 

 Awen Symbol appliqué that i have made

Another Awen Symbol appliqué that i have made

 Here for your viewing pleasure,  is a close up for the back with the Goddess and Moon.  I edged both of these in dark brown cause I thought that black would be a weird combination given the colour of the fabric for the Goddess herself.  it came out rather well. 

All in all, I have to say that i am very proud of how this Druid Priestess Robe and Tabard turned out and I feel very privileged to of being asked to make it for Joanne, who is just as wonderful as the photos show.  

There is a certain magic to sewing like most crafts.  In our family we have always been crafty one way or another, and I could always tell the jumpers that my mother knitted to that of other peoples or commercially knitted jumpers. And now that I think about it the bits that my grandmother knitted as well.  I once had a jumper that was knitted by both my mother and grandmother,  now that was pretty awesome!! I used to tell my friends that it was love, and in away that is true, but there is also a certain kind of magic that goes into knitting and sewing, a certain crafting you could say>  It sets these clothes a part form all the rest.  

I hope to that I have managed to imbue this Druid Priestess Robe and Tabard with the same type of intent and energy that both my Mother and Grandmother did when they were making stuff.  Especially as our Druid Priestess will be spending the next three or four months travelling around Europe, and attending the OBOD summer meeting at Glastonbury, where I am told all the other Druids where White!!

There’s Change in the Air, A Deepening

Currently I am reading several books, Avalon Within, by Jhenah Telyndru which I started a couple weeks back, and In the Shadow of 13 Moons by Kimberly Serman-Cook which I started today. Both of these books are books that I brought a last year but have never read.  This is often the way of Pagan books for me, I purchase them and they sit on my book shelf looking all shiny and new, with that new book smell until until I get an urge to read them.  And it is an urge, like a guiding hand or little voice that says you know those books you brought x months ago, it is now time to read them.  Only this time the little voice also said, and quite firmly I might add, this time you will be doing the work in said book.  O.O gosh!  

Both books have a theme of self development and use a Pagan style frame to do the work.  Both books are concerned with shadow work and working with a cycle of healing that involves a lot of looking at the self.   Perhaps the words 'deepening the understanding' of the self is better phrasing.  Both of these books use the seasons and the moon cycles as important aspects of the framework to use for this self exploration.  Gosh it’s like there is a theme or something,*coughs*  or something.  Self ! I do believe I will be doing some self development of sorts yes?.. *smiles*

Avalon Withins' Author,Jhenah Telyndru is from the Sisterhood of Avalon.  This book talks about a healing cycle of self healing, which from further reading on the Sisterhood of Avalon  site is a stong theme of the Sisterhood tradition.  This books lays out the five points on this cycle, Descent, Confrontation, Emergence, Resolution and Integration, these five points are combined to create a cauldron of transformation.  Much of what I have read so far uses imagery from the Avalonian myth cycle, that I have to admit has great appeal.  I always was a fan of the Mists of Avalon by Marian Z Bradley, that book for me was quite seminal in how I understood a witch and priestess to live her life.  

So far I have done several of the meditations from this book, which have worked out well, an is the descent part of the cycle.  I have meet my Avalonian guide and am now becoming acquainted with the huge apple tree which is the mother tree on the Isle of Avalon.  I have also just down loaded the companion CD for this book which can be found on Jhenah Telyndru site. The CD has the several of the meditations read out, so that you can play along at home.  I figure this will make it easer as it can be quite difficult for me to remember where I was meant to be going and who i was meeting.  I did contemplate recording these meditations myself, but then realised that recordings of me sound weird to me so it would end up being to distracting, yeah, so the CD it is.

Next up for me with this book, Avalon Within,  is to visit the healing/reflective pool and see what that has to show me.  Once I have done that I will be ready for the second station or point on the cycle which is the confrontation.  This is where I confront who I am currently and the shadow of who I am.  It is, in a word, confrontational but then that is the point.    A quote from the book sums it up nicely "Confrontation is the deepest point of the Cycle of Healing, the place where the roots of our disconnection and lack of wholeness are brought to light." pg108  The author also points out that this cycle of healing can be difficult the first time you do it, but is not as bad when you repeat the cycle and that this cycle of healing is an ongoing process.  During your lifetime this cycle should be repeated many times, and I am with the author on this one.  I have spend a large amounts of time on this path looking within and trying to figure out what it all means and who I am.  its a thing. *grins*

With the second book Shadow of 13 Moons I have only just started to read it so am unable to give a fuller account.   I am currently reading pg 15, so it is only just introducing what the author means by Shadow and darkness.  I am however finding the book so far quite interesting and thought provoking, in a similar way to how I am finding reading Avalon Within.  There are not a lot of book reviews on Shadow of 13 Moons that I have managed to find, but given what I have read in the book so far and the one book review I also have read, I suspect that it will be one of those books that takes time for it to become popular, or more popular than it currently is.  So I guess we shall see.  

What all this points to is that it is time for me to do some personal work.  Work on who I am, where I am and what I am, deepening of the self as it were. This work will involve exploring the shadow and looking into the dark corners.  I was going to say looking into the dark corners and bring what is in there out into the light, but  i feel that for the part that would be wrong.  My instincts say that shadow self is as much a part of me, as that which is in the light, its just that it is in the shadow, and perhaps not something that should be in the light, unless it should.  Gosh this is becoming circular. *ponders this*  My guess is, this is what the current reading and workings will all be about for me to some degree.  This will be a period of getting to know more about my shadow, as well as getting to know more about the light aspect, it’s a balancing thing. 

I believe the deepening of the self is something that is always going on especially for magical people, or it should be.  This is something that is in so many ways cyclic, where each turning of the cycle reveals a new layer of the deeper self.  Which is also like an onion with its layers. As you peel back one layer more is revealed, and while you are peeling your onion remember that not all the layers and what they reveal should be discarded.  Accepting your whole self, your darkness, your light and every other shade in between should be, as I see it,  the aim of the game.  

Sometimes these cycles of deepening the self are not consciously active or conscious for that matter and at other times they are.  This time for me I have a feeling that this deepening of the self will be a much more concious thing , more mindful, and will probably involve more actions in the form of ritual and meditation.    This of course  comes with several warnings, don’t make shit up, sometimes it is what it is or perhaps not time to look in that dark corner just yet.  But it is however time to actively seek, to dare I say it get jiggy with, the active ritual side of my faith in relation to the deepening of myself.  

I felt the death of summer this morning, and the birth of Autumn, here in New Zealand and the year slip closer to its dark half. We shall see how this deepening of the self all goes as the dark half of the year is a good time for some self reflection.  It may lead to a more active practice, with formal rituals, daily devotions, and a variety of other practices, which for me in some ways is something new as  I have always been less formal in my practices and devotions.  I don’t know how long this will all take, or where it will lead but it will lead somewhere..

The Green Spiral Hoody Dress

So the last little while has been about sewing, and while I waited for my client to come around so we could do a fitting, I decided to experiment with embellishments, on a hoody dress that I have been wanting to make for quite some time, and then I decided to share it with the world.  also I am believe that I will be selling this one.  This hoody dress is a size 14 New Zealand sizing.. which can be found here 

First the Fabric, which is cotton Sweatshirt fabric, so it has a very slight stretch, the almost white, but actually sage is what I made the spirals from, and the brown the main hoody.. the peacock green I might be using on the second one of these I am making for another client.

then i cut the pattern out.

followed by cutting and pinning the spirals.  I enjoyed this bit as it was very creative, and i found out that spirals are pretty easy to freehand cut out, and not to difficult to sew on. Before when I made my wall hangings I used a iron on backing to keep the fabric nice and then zigzaged the edges, but this time I wanted the edges of the spirals to fray a little, which it will as the fabric is a knit, rather than woven.. so two things will happen when washing, this hoody dress, the inside will soften and apparently become a little fuzzy, (maybe I am kind dubious about that) and second the sage green spirals will gain a slightly frayed edge, which will look pretty cool.  !!

 

and then i sewed it all together, and boy did it come out really well.. i am so proud!!

 

I enjoy this type of crafting, it is both creative and technical at the same time.  It also gives my mind a break from the heck strife of my life of late, and when I am done I have something physical in exchange.  I remember once when I read the books Seventh Son by Orson Scott Card, reading about Makers, whos job it was to keep the unmaker, the destroyer away, and when the Alvin, who was the seventh son felt this unmaker close he would make something.  I am not the seventh son of a seventh son but I am the first daughter of the first daughter of a first daughter, and maybe that is similar, however has I have grown over the last few years, a large part of who I am is that person who creates, crafts and sews, and when I do this I veritably imbue it with magic. 

hmm.. *ponders many thoughts*

also if you would like this hoody dress,  please message me, either here or on my email Urbanwitchery (at) gmail

*smiles*

The Element of Land

Photo taken by me!

For the longest time the element of earth confused me, mostly I believe, because I was seeing a picture of the planet earth, and as you know the planet earth contains all of the elements not just one.  It was a very perplexing thing.  

So a few years back, I was re exploring my understanding of the sacred elements.  I travelled with two witchy friends of mine to Castle Point, with the intention of discovering what the element for east was.  You see while I understand that there are ‘traditional’ correspondents for the elements and directions, I live in New Zealand, and our seasons and circle casting is opposite to that of the northern hemisphere and seeing as I believe in practising in the land you live rather than trying to fit something from another land, so to speak, I was curious as to see what would happen.  

Castle Point, Photo taken by Chris Seaman

Of course I had not been specific when asking about the direction I was and elements, however the message I got back in regards to the elements, was the following impressions which I have translated into words: Land, Ocean, Wind, and Fire, somewhat different from Earth, Air, Fire and Water.  When I enquired further about Land in relation to the elemental energies of earth, I was given a vision if you will. 

 I turned away from facing the ocean and faced towards the land, I was sitting on the saddle, that is the huge sticky up bit you can see in the photo.  As I sunk my awareness down into the earth, I stared to feel the land.  I started to feel the energies of the people who had lived on that land before.  As I spread my awareness down through the various layers of soil and into the distance, I could feel the farmers who made their living on the land, holiday makers who came and went, the settlers, who cut down the trees, and created the farms that the farmers now lived on and the Maori and the lives that they had lived.  Then I shifted deeper into the soil and land itself, and could feel how the soil feed the plant life, and made homes for some of our native birds, along with several of our import.  The land was showing me something here, it was the energies and wisdom of those that had lived and live on it.  It is difficult to explain in words as I was receiving emotions, which loosely translated into images, not really anything that was spoken.  But then this has been how I have always done this type of thing.  And boy did it take me years to figure that one out, but I digress, and perhaps is a subject for post another day. 

This energy these pictures of Farmers, Holiday Makers, Settlers, Maori and the fauna and flora living on the land was part of the energy of this element of earth, the land.   Which is quite different from my initial image of the Planet Earth, go figure *coughs*  

So what did I learn through all of this?  Apart from the obvious learning in a very visual way the more about the element Earth, or what I now refer to as Land. I also learned that learning about the elements is an on-going process, and as you yourself progress and deepening your understanding of magic, and your own path, so to you deepen your understanding of the elements, kind of a hand in hand thing.  

I am currently furthering that understanding by doing the elemental meditations by Philip Carr-Gomm, called Wild Wisdom Meditations with Earth, Water, Air & Fire, and these if you are interested are very good and can be found here at CD baby.  These meditations are also good for beginners, to start their journey to understanding the elements. 

Robes not sacks

So After going to Druid Camp Aotearoa, at the Grove of the Summer Stars, one of the Druids who is travelling to England in June, asked me to make her a Robe and Tabbard, so that she has nice ritual wear for England.  As we were discussion styles and designs, i got to wondering, so many druid robes of have seen are, to put it frankly sacks with arms, not flattering, and if you are a shapely woman, or man then would it not make sense to have a more fitted robe?  but then it is also down to personal preference, just like some people like to have robes for rituals, others don't.  But then perhaps some people shy away from robes because of their sack like design.  then there are the robes that re reminiscent of medieval gowns, which are not really my thing..  anyway, i figured it would be nice to see what i am currently sewing for this lady as it is in my opinion quite beautiful!!

This is the fabric and pattern that has been choose.  The turquoise at the back is the Dress/robe with the pattern for the Dress robe in the front.  the royal blue and light blue are for the tabard, which will go over the Robe.  on the tabard will be an awen and goddess appliqué the goddess on the back and the awen on the front.  i am also making a small bag from the remainder of the patterned fabric.  the gold and silver as also for the appliqué

the pattern actually took quite some time to lay out as there was not actually enough, but lucky in one of my fabric boxes was some shot silk, well kinda silk which matched both the turquoise and royal blue..

here is a pic of the of the extra fabric in comparison to the turquoise.  its difficult to get in pictures as it changes and shifts in the light. 

so now we have gotten to the stage of need for fitting, and their is no arms sewing on it as yet.  Once the dress/robe is finished then i can make start o the tabard..

this satruday there will be a fitting and i will be able to put the arms on, and hem it.. whoot.  the colours remind me of a paua shell, which has the similar colours of turquoise and royal blue

so gentle readers, if you were to have robes made what would they look like and why?

I'm on a Pagan Podcast!!

which is exciting as it is one of my favourite podcasts!!  whee.. so if you wanna listen to what i said, and Mysti, cause that is pretty interesting as well.. you can go download it from here http://www.stonegatepodshow.net/  also i do recommend standing stone and garden gate, as it is an excellent podcast full of very thought provoking stuff and wonderful Canadian accents.. *grins*  you can read my review of Standing Stone Garden Gate here

but gosh it has made me weirdly wistful for Canada, and the Awesome Canadian Pagans  who i meet while i was over there..  *is wistful*

so please go listen and tell me what you think.. cause i would like to know.. *smiles*

Me at Kaleidoscope Gathering in Canadia whee!!

do be do